Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
