Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
