There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
