we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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