God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
