my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
