The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
