i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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