In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
