Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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