I just saw a hot homeless man
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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