im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
