Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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