You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
