I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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