I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
