Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
