I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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