Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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