Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
