Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
