That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize