I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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