and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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