We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
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Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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