Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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