I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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