if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
