Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
