he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
