I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize