So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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