whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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