Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
