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Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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