I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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