Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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