my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
