You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
