1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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