and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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