well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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