I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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