Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
