life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
