I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
