this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
