You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this will be a night to untag.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
