I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
