Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
