This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
