I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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