I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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