And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
