So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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