whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
