I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
