your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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