wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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