So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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