Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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