Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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