Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
