Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
