i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
