dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
