oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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