she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
