I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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