ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
