The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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