Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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