Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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