What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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