hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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