how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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