You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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