you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
