oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
