Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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